Today is May 18, 2008. I have lived 7796 days.
So what? What makes this arbitrary date special? What makes my age in days so special?
Spencer died on day 7797.
To clarify, I don't mean to say that I am going to die today. That would be a real downer. I intend on living for some time to come. It is merely an observation that I have lived as long as Spencer did. But this brings some questions to mind. I may have lived longer, but have I lived more? After having this thought come into my mind (when I calculated today's date a few weeks back), I did some thinking. I thought of many things that one might use to "calculate" how much a person has lived. Things that in the grand scheme of things really aren't important. I have a better job than he did. He had that old Mini Cooper, so my car isn't cooler than his. He was a much better rock climber than I am, but I have done much more mountaineering. He was on the verge of getting engaged.
He seemed so much older then than I feel now. I continually get thrown off by small things like "I own a coffee table? How in the world did my life lead up to me owning a coffee table?". Yet something seems missing in me. A kind of childishness that might lead someone to hang out with kids 3 and a half years younger than you.
A mantra of Spencer's was "Hope, Daydream, Live" which was a compilation of quotes he liked. Hope was from The Shawshank Redemptions tagline: "Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free.", Daydream was from a quote by T.E. Lawrence:
All men dream: but not equally.
Those who dream by night in the dusty
recesses of their minds wake in the day
to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers
of the day are dangerous men, for they may
act their dreams with open eyes, to make it
possible.
I don't know the origins of "Live".
The mantra ended up on his headstone, and I have kept it as a personal reminder that all three points: Hoping, Daydreaming, and Living, are all very important. But today I was caught off guard by my own thoughts. I haven't been acting upon the mantra. And that is what needs to change. That is what day 7797 should be for me. The day I start living. For all I need to do is hope and daydream, and I will live.
Hoping for something better than I have will give me the strengths I need to try. Hopelessness is a trap that will make you never improve yourself because you cannot see a positive outcome to your struggles.
Daydreaming, or rather acting upon your daydreams as T.E. Lawrence suggests, is very powerful. So what if I will never do 90% of the things I daydream? I was reading Ed Viesturs book "No Shortcuts To The Top" last winter and through it I found many things to daydream about. I really want to go to Nepal, and climb some big mountain. I got swept away, putting myself on the mountain, living adventure and all the rest. But it didn't last long. I got caught up in the reality of the situation, that the costs are so high that I would never practically be able to do these things. And the daydreaming stopped. Well, I need to start it up. I need to daydream as many things as I can, and even if I can only act upon a sliver of those daydreams, how much more will I live? I contend: a lot.
So those are my thoughts. No spectacular insights I would suggest, just a few ideas. Here's to 7797 more!